oh beautiful month of november.

okay so maybe as far as looks, it's not so much beautiful. we're in that in between where all the leaves have dropped and the weather still can't decide if it's fall or winter. and personally i'm still a little okay that it's not full on snowing yet. but it's coming, i know it! i'm already counting down til christmas. hehe i can't wait to get a kindle. ;)

but just in general, my life is such a beautiful blessing. like i'm sure i've said a thousand times, i look back at my life exactly a year ago from today and i am just awestruck. SO much has changed in nothing but good, amazing, great, and crazy ways!! i mean tomorrow i'm going to become an auntie to what i know is going to be the most beautiful little girl who is so wonderfully blessed to have my best friend trisha as her mother. i'm just so overwhelmed by the blessings and the people in my life. the next few days i really want to focus on the things i'm grateful for. man it's just crazy! 

well first off i am so grateful for my beautiful family who has been there to support me and love me despite how far i fell down into a hole. they were there when i wanted so desperately to climb out. i am so grateful for my parents' testimonies of this amazing gospel and the blessing of eternal families and eternal perspectives. there is so much more to life than we'll ever understand in the moment and i'm so grateful for my family to help remind me everyday how blessed i am. i know that i am so SO lucky to have the kind of family dynamic that we have because we are so close and we depend on each other and love each other and i know that no matter what i do or what happens in life they will always be my biggest support system of all. i am so grateful i am sealed to these crazies because i wouldn't have any of it any other way. and i can't forget tyrell, my new brother. thank you so much for being such a great man being there for krystina. you really are an answered prayer for all of us. we love you!! :)

i am so grateful for all my friends in my life right now. trisha you are the best friend i could ever ask for because depsite all of my short comings you are always there with open arms whenever i need it. you have been the biggest inspiration to me in my life thus far and i hope in time when i finally settle down and start a family that i can be just like you. so strong in your testimony and so strong in going after what you want. i love you more than you will ever know, and you are going to be such an amazing mommy! thank you so much for sticking with me this last year and being patient and loving with me while i figured everything out and sorted through the mess i made. here's to many many years of friendship!! and maybe and eternity hehe ;)

to my friends at ken and dale's: man you girls are awesome! you have really helped me feel like i can be me and be weird and crazy and just not care about what anyone thinks or says about it. and i need that because i used to be that way, and i feel like i can be that way again! and i am sure working on it! :)

i know this next one is a little out in left field, but this is to kenz... so far you have been the biggest game changer in my life. and i never understood to what extent until now a year later. and i'm sure there is more i'll learn. i am grateful for the efforts you made to keep me grounded when i just jumped right off that cliff. but more than anything i am just grateful for all the time we spent together and all the memories i have. no matter how jumbled and messy and complicated everything got in the end. it was all worth it to me and it still is. if i would have never met you, i would not be in this place in life where i am now. for the first time things are all starting to fall into place i am finally able to figure out what it is i really want to do and out of life. you are the first person i was actually able to just be myself with, the first person i was utterly and totally comfortable with, the first person who just tell me like it is and call me out on all my b.s. and i am so so grateful for that. and to be completely honest, i miss that. i hope one day we can get back to being good friends again. i know it was only a really short period that we actually got to spend together, but it has made such a HUGE impact on my life in everyway possible. i attribute everything that i am today to knowing you, to everything that happened. it's a beautiful thing when you can forgive someone, and i hope one day i can tell you that everything in the past is now just there. when i look back, i can't even remember half of what all the frustrations were. besides the point tho. thank you for walking (actually more like barging, lol) into my life last september and showing me all the things that you did, and going through all of that with me. and for dealing with all my bipolar rants and crap. whether it was deserved or not, i don't even remember. just know that knowing you was the single-most important event in my life. and i am so grateful for you and for everything that has happened since then. 

i am so grateful for this beautiful house that i live in. it was just the thing i needed when i moved home in december because had we lived in that apartment, i don't think i would have made a fraction of the progress i have made over the last year. it has been a crazy amazing year, and it's nice to come home to a place where i feel 'HOME.' to a place where i can so freely feel the spirit. and the view from my living room window is a reminder to me that heavenly father loves us so much. and i know he is mindful of all the things we need and want and pray for. i know if you pray to him, he will always give jus what you need right at the moment you need it the most. 

i'm sure over the next few days i'll think of more things to be grateful for, and i hope that this year on thanksgiving i can really appreciate the holiday for what it was really meant to be. there really is so much to be grateful for and i am just so filled with joy in my life.

well folks, i suppose it's time to go finish getting ready for work. :)

remember life is beautiful. :)

cute idea!!

so lyndsie came up with such a cute idea for our nursery kids for halloween! we found all these little pumpkins up in our garden! we didn't think that any pumpkins grew! but i guess they did. so anyways we decorated them in class and let the kids have them! lyndsie took the pumpkins out in the grass and like an easter egg hunt the kids ran out got to pick their own pumpkins. almost like at the pumpkin patch. i'd post the group pic we took but i'm gonna respect the privacy of the little ones. :)

so here's a picture of how they turned out!

halloween!

i really didn't feel like getting all done up again with the hair extenstions and everything lol. so i just didn't. lol. we had a chill halloween. lol i did a full set of nails and watched how to lose a guy in 10 days. such a difference from last year!! i had an all night marathon of horror movies on netflix last year. eeek! good times tho! i just didn't feel like being scared this year. especially since i have to sleep alone. :( anywho! oh i did watch are you afraid of the dark on teen nick! WOW throwback!! but thats about the gist of it! oh and we passed out candy to the kiddos! all in all it was good! 

pumpkin carving!!

i searched high and low on the internet for the perfect pumpkin pattern. and DUH! haha who would i be if i didn't do spongebob?! i love spongebob and i have since i was a kid!! it took me like 3 hours to carve this little piece of artwork out! and so worth it! all the little trick-or-treaters loved it! oh and when i opened my pumpkin the first time it looked like a perfect spiderweb on the inside. and i had never seen anything like it before. so of course i had to snap a picture of it!

i am not about to take credit for these.

my awesome photographer sister lyndsie took these pics!! and i just have to post them because they perfectly depict how beautiful the last days of fall were here on our little street in our little brick house! such gorgeous pictures!! we woke up and over night it had 'snowed' like 2 inches of leaves! amazing. :)

such things make me LOVE nebraska!!

the first snow of the year.

i've been meaning to blog for the last week so since tonight i've got lots of time, i'm going to just blog my little heart out!! i took a couple pics in the dark of the first snow of the year. i can't wait to take more in the morning! i can' believe how mild the weather has been this year seeing how the first snow happened in november. and i am not going to complain. it's going to be an interesting winter i think. but it should be good!! i'm excited! so here's to the winter!

my bruddahh!!!

my little brother is such a stud!! i think this was his second to last game out in gering. you'd never be able to tell but i was vomitting on the inside because he smelled AWFUL!!! haha gotta love stinky little brothers! but i am such a proud big sister! it makes me so happy inside to watch him out on the field. and i just love him so much. my goofy goober. :)

october favorites

okay so i'd thought i would compile a list of some of my favorites that i had this last month. i'm trying to broaden my horizons. lol

1. the new gavin degraw cd has been out for a little while now, but man oh man i am hooked!! he never ceases to amaze me with his music and i have been a HUGE fan since i was a sophomore in high school. i give this one a big 2 thumbs up!

2. lashaholic mascara from hard candy is sold at walmart. and i've been wanting to try this specific one for awhile now. well i finally bucked up a couple days ago and got it. and oh man, i have found my new favorite. i didn't even need any lash primer! and that is a huge step in the right direction! 

3. i bought this blue polish online when i made an order at E.L.F. cosmetics. okay for a little back story: i have seen this makeup at target for years, but i always assumed it was as crappy as the cheap cheap prices. well after blog browsing, i noticed this stuff was actually given pretty awesome reviews so i had to try. and i have to say that i have been PLEASANTLY suprised!! the quality is really great! and i am a huge fan! okay so back to the polish! i did my nails with this last night and it was really opaque and dried into the tiffany's blue i love so much! A+ from me on this polish!

4. vuka intelligent energy is something i stumbled onto in the grocery store. i have given up on drinking energy drinks because since my significant weight loss since i graduated high school, they do horrendous things to my sleeping. and these are great! it's just a light pick me up! i prefer the orange juice! great for my long days at work with some ice, and it does nothing to my sleeping!

5. the movie footloose. oh man i left the theater with chills because i was so happy with this movie and i felt so good when i left!! great, great movie!! not exactly a fan of the soundtrack and some odd remakes of old songs, but the movie itself was adorable!

6. wet n wild bright red lipstick...!! i have been sporting this stuff all month and i have no qualms about it! time for some color in my life! 

7. i LOVE everyday minerals and i have become a huge advocate this month!! and one thing i got in my haul at the beginning of the month was the everyday hydrate facial oil. at first i was like, 'oil on my face?!' but man oh man not only does it suit as a great primer for the base, my face has never been so soft or so clear!!

8. last but not least!! my b.h. cosmetics 120 eyeshadow palette 1st edition. AHHH so many bright colorful shadows!!! if you check out my pink/purple/blue job from halloween for my costume i did that all with these. loves it!!

i just found so many great things this month that i really just wanted to share!! :)

trunk or treat!

haha lyndsie was channeling more of the flash dance 80's and i totally went for rocker 80's. i'm pretty proud. :)

but TOO bad i forgot to bring my camera to the trunk or treat. oh well. good thing mama took some pictures when we got home. we also went to the haunted house that was put on by the firestation. and i think for $3 it was pretty sufficient. i mean i'll admit i screamed more than a couple times. fun times. i'm pretty sure i clung to kyle the entire time. :)

man i love the halloween festivities!!

well so much for the 30 day photo challenge...

this time i didn't just give up! i swear! i know, excuses, excuses right??? okay i admit some days i just forgot but all the other days, i've had bigger and better things on my mind!!

likeeeeeee: haha makeup!

oh and i did complete 1 and half puzzles over conference weekend. my creative juices have been totally flowing the last few weeks!! unfortunately just not in anyway my blog can prove. lol

BUT speaking of conference, which was AH-mazing as always, there was a talk given in the relief society saturday night session that just blew my socks off. seriously it was so great. i think a lot of women need to hear this whether you are LDS or not! elder uchtdorf hit this subject right on the head!!  

so all you ladies reading this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE hear this!!

just click on this link. :)

forget me not

wow A.D.D. brain,

back to the pictures!

.....watching my front yard and all the trees in it change color over the last couple weeks has been nothing but a joy! i have never seen so many beautiful colors in my life and it's time like when i am sitting on my couch, staring  out my front window, that i am so grateful to be in this town. sometimes, i admit that i am less than thrilled to be here, but times like that or times like tonight when i get to see a $6 movie in the old theater with my widdle wyndsie, or when the high school football on friday night becomes an entire town event, that i am so grateful that i get to experience small town life like this. i know that it's not going to be this way forever and i'm not sure if i'll live in a small town when i finally leave this place, but i'll always have these things to take with me. all these things that i never actually even knew existed when i lived in southern california. stuff i thought only was for the movies. WRONGO! i just want to document all of this for the days when i wont have it anymore so i'll be able to look back and be like, 'remember when?!'

i get to go to the branch halloween event which i am sssuper excited for and i actually have halloween itself OFF for the first time since i was 16!! and i want to blow it up with pictures!! i can't wait to post it!!

okay enough rambling haha i'm sure it's just a joy to read.

nitey nite my fellow blog readers. :)

it all started with stumble.

wow! well i have been a little bit of a busy girl the last couple weeks!! on all my days off i've been going to kyle's football games and now the season is over for the bulldogs. :( but i already can't wait for next year. IF we're still here that is. ;) 

soooo i've been doing a little talkin here with heavenly father. a little praying and pondering of sorts and i realize i am supposed to stay in nebraska for a while. womp womp. haha no but really tho. NOT EXACTLY my ideal place of living, but i have a job, my family, and some consistency. i think i've had such a rough time figuring things out the last, well, 4 years because i keep moving. so i think i'm gonna stay in one spot and see how this works out for a change. if a situation arises to move then i will or of course if i get (DUN DUN DUN) hitched at some point, haha which i'm sure is way out of the question living here in nebraska given my vast pool of 

LDS hotties to choose from. <---complete sarcasm. 

any-whoooo okay so anyone who knows me knows that i love my stumble account and google! well, one night i was just perusing through stumble and i happened upon this girl's makeup blog. bottom line, my life will never EVER be the same!! she reminds me so much of myself! her blog is xsparkage.com and for some reason she has rekindled my passion for makeup that i haven't felt since before i started high school!! i have been completely obsessed with it and trying all new things! and i have been vastly expanding my collections too. i know, crazy, huh?!  

i have found a few brands that i have FALLEN IN LOVE with and i have been using it and ordering it left and right! lol but one thing i have learned over the last few years is that me + FEDEX = no love whatsoever. and things take FOR-EV-ERRR. 

but i think i might want to break into makeup tutorials and makeup blogs? i dunno, but i will see. i think it would be way super fun, so that might be something to look out for!

but i am so inspired to do some makeup courses here soon. possibly an online makeup school??

(qcmakeupacademy.com)

oh and so lyndsie convinced me to take the plunge into mineral makeup. and i must say i have been pleasantly surprised!! i absolutely love it! however we have moved over into using everyday minerals as opposed to bareEssentuals. HUGE price difference. and if your like me, (a total cheap skate, or let's just say a bargain hunter hehe) inexpensive is a great thing! and the quality definitely doesn't suffer! i love how it feels like there is nothing on my face! no heaviness whatsoever. and ever since i found the new FIT ME makeup i thought it would be a miracle to pry me away from it! because that too doesn't feel heavy and so far the best makeup with liquid foundation and powder finish i've used! but yes, huge advocate of the mineral stuff. my face cleared up right quick!! so check these guys out!! 

ANOTHER passion i have discovered is my passion to do nails!! big shocker too right?! well a few months ago i started experimenting with acrylic nails and i actually have a knack for doing them!!! i think the only thing on my xmas list this year (dear santa) is an electric nail file! because filing them by hand takes forever!!

i also had my 23rd birthday. and it definitely wasn't as painful as i thought it would be!! i actually feel really good because i feel like i'm starting to find some direction for the first time in my life! and so many things are behind me now! i feel so much peace now as i look toward the future! :)

i know that as i keep doing the things i am supposed to do, heavenly father is going to continue blessing me in so many ways! i already feel so blessed and so happy. i am so grateful that i was able to make the changes i have and that i have the opportunity to keep moving forward to being the person heavenly father wants me to be!

you can love life, you just gotta get out there and live it! :)

p.s. i have quite a few pics to post in the next few days so keep an eye out for that!! :)

photo challenge: day five

today says whatever picture i want.

I LOVE FALL!

photo challenge: day four

day 4 says from a high angle. well i don't live in my apartment anymore but i took this picture with my lomo camera like 2 years ago. it was a long exposure i took from the rooftop of the building! not sure if this necessarily counts, but i'll take it! and high angle shots are rare and fare between given my short stature anyways haha.

photo challenge: day three

so for day three it says my favorite place to be. and hands down temple square in any season is by a long stretch my favorite place to be. BIG SHOCKER. but honestly, i enjoy it more than i have ever enjoyed disneyland! i feel so happy and at peace while i'm here and i love explring all the buildings and the tour through beehive house. it's just a very happy spirit here. :)

FALL

i love fall more than any other season! and it appears that fall has now taken over my house! :) fall is bringing lots of good things i know! and for starters my 16th birthday is in 2 weeks! hehe no i'm just kidding. i'm hitting the big 23. i'm a little scared because once i past 21 i didn't wanna be older. but i think it has more to do with the fact that more years keep passing and i just haven't accomplished everything i thought i would have by now. clearly heavenly father had a bigger plan for me! and i'm grateful because everything has seemed to work out even if it has been in a twisted and unconventional sort of way. but i'm figuring it out! i just hope to enjoy this fall season for however short it will be gracing us with it's wonderful presence!! 

photo challenge: day two

day two says something i wore today. haha welp other than my hideous work ensemble, i sported this little number today. haha! stunning i know!

photo challenge: day one

i took this one today while i was bored in the car wash. i've been obsessed with make up and make up blogs and today i was channeling betsy johnson. not like that matters. ;)

the ever cliche 30 day photo challenge

well it appears that i need some motivation to start taking some pictures, so when i saw this i figured why not?? hopefully this will get my creativity juices flowing!! :)

feeling low?

so growing up i always made fun of my mom for all her church cd's and then one day sometime last winter she started playing this cd and not knowing who it was or anything, i fell in love with the music! so imagine my suprise when i found out that the sweet music i was hearing was mindy gledhill. one of the people i always made fun fo my mom for. this album is the sweetest music i have ever heard. and everytime i listen to it, it makes me feel so happy!! and it makes me think of my best friend trisha and her sweet little baby to be born in just a few weeks! the thing that caught me is that it's just happy music that almost makes me think i'm at a circus eating cotton candy and holding a balloon lol. i highly recommend this album!! it is a serious pick me up!! 

see this? yeah i'm going there someday.

isn't this the prettiest thing you have ever seen? i know for me it is. this is the manti temple and one day i am going inside there. i love the temple. and what we do inside there is more beautiful than it is on the outside. in the temple we are sealed to our families for not only time but for eternity. my little sister recently went to the salt lake city temple and was sealed to her husband for time and all eternity and it is such a marvelous thing. i know some people don't understand and that's okay. when we go to the temple we make promises to heavely father to live a clean and honest life. but the purpose is not to be able to throw it in people's faces like we are better than the next person, it is because we are accountable for our own lives and there is much lasting joy and happiness to be found in living a life worthy to enter there and keeping the covenants we make there. i think about the temple everyday of my life and going there is the ONE thing i want the most. everything else in my life that happens outside of that is okay with me. i have found that ever since i have made the decision to live a life to be worthy to be able to enter the temple, so many things have fallen into place and i have been able to persevere through everything that has been thrown at me this year with flying colors. i have cut so many bad things from my life, i have learned what my 'gateway' decisions are, i have learned how to push myself. the way i view the temple has drastically changed. before i just viewed it as something i wanted because i knew it was right. going there was just another motion in lds life. but now after the things i've been through and knowing how close i came losing all of this, i view it as something so much greater than that. the same way when we marry, we promise to work through good times and bad to make it last for forever, i feel like going to the temple and making covenants and taking out endowments is a lot like that. not like we are married to god or anything, but in the sense when we take out those endowments we are promising to keep our faith, trust in him, and live a christ like life through good times and bad. to always remember him. it's like the ultimate commitment to heavenly father and living our lives in a way that honor our covenants is our way of showing him we are in it for the long haul. and i am so excited to be able to make those promises. i am so ready to be eternally commited. to prove to heavenly father i am never going to go back down the road i went down. as much as everyday is a constant struggle with it, i remember the results and i never want to be in such a low place ever again. the feeling of knowing the direction of the spirit has left you is a very empty life. and i found no lasting happiness. the temple is the most important thing to me. and it's definately a non-negotiable. i can't wait to meet the special person i am meant to be with. the person i am going to be sealed to for time and all eternity. it's so special to me. and we are so blessed to have restored gospel here on earth to make it possible to be with our families not just for our time here on earth, but for eternity! what an amazing thing. :)

my little sister got married!!

these pictures were taken at the backyard reception we had at my house! the backyard looked so pretty! it was a lovely night. i can't believe she got married! it seems like it all flew by so fast, which it kind of did! ;) but more than anything i am so happy for tyrell and krystina. i know with everything they are perfect for each other and i hope they have many, many years of happiness ahead of them. and more than that an eternity together with their family! this reception was so much more relaxed than the utah one and i am really grateful i got to have some real bonding time with ty and i had a really great conversation with him! i love him to pieces!! we're gonna be great friends someday. he is the best thing to happen to our family yet and he showed up in my sister's life right when she needed him the most. i am just so grateful he was sent to her. it's such a relief as a big sister to know your sister is with someone really great, who will work hard and make her happy. it's a huge relief to me!! :)

trying something new. :)

okay okay. so i have started yet another blog. whoop-dee do right? how is this blog going to be different you ask? well i have a good answer!!! i promise this blog is going to be different than anything i've ever done before. with this blog i want to focus on all the positive in my life. in the last 12 months i have learned many life lessons. and in the beginning i stumbled into a life that i had never experienced before and did things that i would never imagined myself doing. if you want the whole story it's posted all over my old blog. my old blog, i realize, was the place i posted all my epiphanies whilst i was trying to figure my life back out and get back to the path that i know is going to work best for me; the path that is going to bring me the most joy in life. and i have learned so much! and now that it's been a year, i really feel like i am back on track and in a better place than ever! with this blog, i want to use it to appreciate all of the blessings that god has given me. i have been given many second chances this year, and everyday i try to appreciate them. i want to show appreciation for the amazing support system that i have in my family and my friends who have been so patient with me over the last year and loved me in spite of all of my misakes i made when bad jess took over. but there is so much positive to be seen in all my mistakes. so much beauty and pain. there is so much love to be found in healing. but in a way this blog signifies me being able to completely walk away from the events of the last year. this blog marks the beginning of me actually living my life. i know that with my faith and heavenly father by my side i can make through everything and this last year proves that. it's about time i align my will with the lord's will and be the person he intended me to be. i still have a lot i need to figure it out and i know there are going to be times when i fall on my face, but you know what i am only human. i take everyday as it comes. i'll have bad days and good days. but that's the beauty in life. everyday you live can be so dramatically different from yesterday. it really brings a new light to the saying 'life is only as good as you make it.' life is good. life is beautiful. :)